Breaking Point

I feel like I’m hitting the breaking point and there’s nothing poetic about it. My body hurts. My brain feels like it’s shutting down. Everything feels too heavy and I’m so tired that it feels like a personality change. I keep thinking I just want to feel like my old self again. I want energy. I want clarity. I want to wake up and not immediately feel like I’m already behind.

It feels like I’m dragging myself through every hour. My legs feel weak. My thoughts feel scrambled. I keep dropping things, forgetting things, losing track of what I’m doing. I miss the version of me who didn’t feel like she was constantly fighting her own limits. I miss the days when I could do something simple without needing to recover afterward. I miss feeling capable.

Sometimes the exhaustion hits so hard I cry. It’s not even a dramatic cry. It’s the kind where the tears just fall because my body doesn’t know what else to do. It feels like my system is overloaded and crying is the only release valve left. And then I wipe my face and keep going because I don’t have the luxury of stopping.

I keep thinking about how much I want to feel normal again. I want to feel like myself. I want to feel like I’m not constantly dragging a version of me that’s heavier and slower and foggier than the one I remember. I want to feel like I have even a little bit of energy that lasts longer than a few minutes. I want to stop feeling like everything is too much.

There’s no lesson in this. No silver lining. No perspective shift. This is just me wallowing in how exhausted I am. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. I’m worn out and I miss the version of me who didn’t feel like this. I miss her so much it hurts.

Today I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to be resilient. I don’t want to be inspirational.

I just want to say I’m exhausted and let that be the whole truth.